BUILD - Week Two

Um, today was the second session of this very interesting, thought-provoking discussion of race and class issues. There was much more discussion than last week (though last week's dialogue was normal for a first gathering), but I'll be glad when the white folks in the group become comfortable enough to speak up more and, yes, to even debate a little more than they are doing now. This is not to say that there weren't some comments made by non-Blacks in the group. However, the talk time was overwhelmingly dominated by us African-Americans. Now, I understand a little of the why. It's difficult to speak immediately about a reality that isn't yours. So it stands to reason that Sheretta (?), Cherice, Keith, and I will have a lot of insight to shed since we've lived life in the 'ghetto'. And, there's the element (blessing and curse) that white folks don't want to say anything 'stupid' or insensitive that will give the impression that they are racist or uncaring. However, in order for I think true understanding to take place and honest dialogue to occur, there has to be the freedom to open up and to bear one's soul, no matter the risk of being misunderstood. I'm wondering whether or not we'll get to this depth of discussion during the next two months. I doubt it. It's rare for me to get to this level of sharing even w. my Christian friends who are white. (Gina is probably the exception) What a shame! But, again, another dreadful residual of horrible race relations in this country. Maybe some sort of social situation outside of these meetings will help break down some barriers.......

Another thought from today's session: I'm not comfortable being one of the (unoffiicially) designated 'spokespeople' for our race. Just when I've shared some 'insight' on inner city behavior, I start to think about the members of my race, even in the ghetto, who don't fit that stereotyped behavior, and I begin to fear I've given the impression that the Black race is a monolith and I've set up white folks unfairly for thinking they now 'understand' the why behind some things my people do. For instance, today we talked about how many Black mothers may appear not-so-nurturing because they push their children towards independence early on (i.e., encouraging them not to cry and having them take the lead in 'mature' situations like going to the doctors alone or dropping them off on a college campus alone and leaving them). On my way home, and later in the day, I thought about two caveats. One is that part of some Black mothers' insistence on their children taking on 'adult' responsibilities (like my doctor's office example) is a lack of comfort dealing w. mainstream culture. This is seen more clearly in Hispanic or Latino cultures when you have children paying bills and talking to school personnel and landlords and other authority figures -- things parents should be doing but cannot due to a language barrier. Well, the same is true in African-American poor 'hoods b.c. some adults are not comfortable engaging w. doctors and school officials, etc., so they put off that duty to children/youth (unfair, but a reality). Another thought around this issue is that there is an irony in some Black mothers' parenting of boys. Despite efforts early on to make sons 'tough' and make them into a 'man', many Black mothers paradoxically fail to hold their sons to the same standard of accountability that they hold their daughters to. For this reason, it is not uncommon to find in many homes daughters who manage to finish high school (and even go on to college), hold jobs, etc., while the sons in the same family lounge around, do nothing, make babies out of wedlock, and live off their mothers (who go to work everyday to support them). There's a saying that we Black mothers raise our daughters and spoil our sons. So this I think is another factor that plays into the problem of single-parenthood in our communities.

One final note: I noticed a tendency on the part of one person in our group (white) to dodge discussions that geared towards pointing out flaws in Black inner city culture. When we Black folks started talking, for instance, about how in many Black churches personal godliness is compromised while social justice is highlighted (the opposite of what was said to be true of white evangelical churches), the conversation was cut short w. a comment that all cultures have their pet sins (that's not the right word, maybe common manifestations of sin). This is true. But, this was one of maybe two or three times today where I think the person wanted to stay away from any criticism of the Black community. Again, I can understand why. When the tendency has been to blame the victim, which leads to no solutions, there is wisdom in shying away from any talk of personal responsibility. But, if personal responsibility is at all a part of the solution, and I believe it is, then neglecting this piece is actually detrimental to the Black community. Case in point: A Christian school w. a strong social justice bent consistently made excuses as to why parents could not do things like get their kids to school on time, or return schoolbooks in their kids' bookbags (both of which were paid for by the school), or make sure their kids came to school in their uniforms daily. And help w. homework (talking about for third graders) was out of the question. Why? Because the socio-economic situation was so terrible that these basics were thought to be impossible. Knowing the parents well, this was the case for about three families out of a school of a couple of hundred. The result? Kids' education suffered, even in a private and Christian setting (small class size, caring teachers, Christ-centered and safe culture), because parents were 'excused' from taking any responsibility. Yet some of those same parents, who later took their kids to a charter school down the street, miraculously displayed behavior needed to give their children a little more success educationally. My point? Balance is needed. No, personal accountability is not the SOLE answer to issues of race and class. Those problems are too complex for a single solution and too historically caused and instititutionally maintained to just urge people to change their own behaviors and 'things'll be alright'. Yet, structural causes are not the SOLE answer, either. So, if there are multiple causes, there must be multiple solutions, all of which are pursued w. the same level of vehemence and integrity and diligence. It is paternalistic to think Black folks can't do basic stuff just because they're poor. And you hurt the very poor folks you're trying to serve when you excuse their behavior that perpetuates their condition. Just my thoughts....


"The hood can be a beautiful thing/
But with no Christ in the city/It ain't pretty/
What the future will bring/
We need more than Malcolm X and Martin Luther the King/
We need Davids walking the pavement with Truth in their sling/
We see a chance to give people a reason for the hope of believers/
Cause though they're breathin' these hopeless people are grievin'/
In the streets some are numb but others are still bothered/
At the unfit mothers and the unskilled fathers/
That's why we plug Christ like an unskilled barber/
Rap artists who harvest, some plant and some will water/
But God'll make it grow and it won't stop/
If He's the center like the gum in a blow pop/
Remember you're eternal but your dough's not/
Your rims, your Timbs, your brims and your clothes rot"
-- Cross Movement, Higher Definition, "Hey, Y'all"