The Making of a Man (or Woman)

A wise man in the faith once told me, "God is interested in making men -- not ministries." Now I'm sure Elder Taurel borrowed that saying from someone else, but God certainly used him to speak it into my spirit that day. And the meaning of those words has never left me. Rather than concern ourselves with God making a name for us -- with using God for our own glory, for our own agenda -- it's better to concern ourselves with God making US -- with His molding us and shaping us into His Son's likeness. After all, that's what Romans 8 says God's all about. That famous "all things works together for good" passage has less to do with God guaranteeing us a happy ending (on our terms) and more with God guaranteeing us His ending, which seems to be forming a people who reflect His nature and character to the world, so that then the world can be drawn to Him and more folks can join in worship of Him. And to accomplish this purpose, God will leave no stone unturned (in the words of another wise man in the faith, Pastor Reeves).

When I search the Scriptures to find someone who was formed by the Master's hand, molded into a man displaying God's character, my man Moses comes to mind. From Moses' birth it was obvious that God's hand was on the brother, protecting him from the vicious decrees of a fearful Pharoah and securing his physical and spiritual safety by paradoxically arranging for his earthly upbringing in Pharoah's house and for his moral training by his nurse who happened to be his mother.

The first picture we get of Moses himself shows a man in whom resided a strong sense of compassion and justice. Moses, who obviously has been told he is a Hebrew, sets out to learn of the condition of his people. Acts 7 says at age 40 "it entered his mind to visit his brothers, the sons of Israel" (nothing but God's Sovereignty at work). Incensed at an Egyptian overseer who is beating a fellow Hebrew, Moses intervenes, almost like he can't help himself. (Acts 7:24 says, "And when he saw one of them being treated unjustly, he defended him and took vengeance for the oppressed by striking down the Egyptian.") He ends up killing the Egyptian and burying him in the sand, in order to help rescue his fellow Hebrew. The next day, this same streak of fairness and compassion comes oozing out of Moses again, this time spreading to his own people in the form of a rebuke (sign of a God-implanted trait -- it doesn't discriminate). Moses spies two Hebrews fighting and makes an effort to solve the problem (Acts 7:26 says he "tried to reconcile them in peace"), only to get his first taste in Disappointment 101: his own people reject his efforts to help, and even cast a stinging false accusation about his motives (trying to be prince and judge over us), rather than admit their own fault and reconcile with one another. One of these Hebrews even lets Moses know he's aware of the murder Moses committed the day before, a comment that, along with the disillusionment of trying to help and seemingly not making a difference, sends this man reeling into the desert far away from the powers that be who wanted to retaliate and away from the realization that his efforts to rescue were spurned by the very ones he wanted to help. (Acts 7:25 says, "And he supposed that his brothers understood that God was granting them deliverance through him, but they did not understand.")

But Moses cannot escape the ingrained tendency to rescue -- even while away from Egypt, we see him rescuing Jethro's daughters from men who bothered them when they were at the well. In fact, that's what these sisters tell their daddy -- that 'an Egyptian' helped (literally, delivered) them that day. Again, Moses' sense of compassion and justice could not bear the thought of defenseless women being bothered. ("Then the shepherds came and drove them [the sisters] away, but Moses stood up and helped them and watered their flock." -- Exodus 2:17)

Reading about Moses' sense of inadequacy, so much so that God seemingly gets frustrated trying to convince Moses to take the job of leading Israel, is a testament to the power of God to 'make a man'. And so is seeing how God developed Moses, from the firebrand murderer in
Egypt to the shepherd on the backside of the mountain (plus being an alien and a father), even to being a long-suffering leader of millions of Hebrews. Far from Moses being the star of this narrrative, though, God is the Hero. He shines through as the True Deliverer (He tells Moses HE'S going down to deliver Israel, in the same conversation where He commissions Moses to go, so it's clear who's in control), as the One who is moved by the cries of His oppressed people, as the powerful One who decimates one of the greatest civilizations of all time in order that they may know that He is God. Even though Acts 7:35 tells us that "this Moses whom they disowned, saying, 'Who made you a ruler and a judge?' is the one whom God sent to be both a ruler and a deliverer...", we are also told that Moses did this "with the help of the angel who appeared to him in the thorn bush" (same verse), and we hear God's words to Moses about Himself saying, "I have certainly seen the oppression of My people in Egypt and have heard their groans, and I have come down to rescue them; come now, and I will send you to Egypt." The beauty of all this is that the spirit of a deliverer or rescuer that resided in Moses actually came from God -- Moses could have such compassion on folks and have such a strong desire for fair treatment of all because that's what His heavenly Father had. And, His heavenly Father enabled Him to act on that spirit and bless others.

Another Claude McKay Creation

Here is another tight sonnet by this thorough Harlem Renaissance brothuh:

The White House

Your door is shut against my tightened face,
And I am sharp as steel with discontent;
But I possess the courage and the grace
To bear my anger proudly and unbent.
The pavement slabs burn loose beneath my feet,
A chafing savage, down the decent street;
And passion rends my vitals as I pass,
Where boldly shines your shuttered door of glass.
Oh, I must search for wisdom every hour,
Deep in my wrathful bosom sore and raw,
And find in it the superhuman power
To hold me to the letter of your law!
Oh, I must keep my heart inviolate
Against the potent poison of your hate.

My Luv, Tha Verse

Okay, so I'm in love w. words. Just the way I'm wired, I guess. But words on a page speak to me and enthrall me. Maybe that's why I'm such a hip hop head. Words seem to jump from the page into my head and fill it w. fanciful images. I'm such a 'linguistic learner' that I can hardly imagine what it's like for those who don't share this learning mode. I guess there are those as excited about numbers and patterns as I am about language.

Proof of my love: Tho' poetry's far from my favorite genre, these dudes speak to me: Paul Laurence Dunbar (he's one of the people I'd like to meet one day, but it'll have to be in eternity now), Claude McKay, and then there are poets of our time like Billy Joel, Barry Manilow, Elton John, and just about any balladeer (whether it's Ghostface Killa dedicating a song to his moms or it's No Doubt or Linkin' Park screamin' out a ballad, I actually feel the words). Well, 'nuf said.

Time to close w. one of my favorites, this tight Shakespearean / Elizabethan sonnet by Jamaican - American poet Claude McKay:


The Harlem Dancer

Applauding youths laughed with young prostitutes
And watched her perfect, half-clothed body sway;
Her voice was like the sound of blended flutes
Blown by black players upon a picnic day.
She sang and danced on gracefully and calm,
The light gauze hanging loose about her form;
To me she seemed a proudly-swaying palm
Grown lovelier for passing through a storm.
Upon her swarthy neck black shiny curls
Luxuriant fell; and tossing coins in praise,
The wine-flushed, bold-eyed boys, and even the girls,
Devoured her shape with eager, passionate gaze;
But looking at her falsely-smiling face,
I knew her self was not in that strange place.


I'm out!

Two More Good Books

Eh, here are the latest good books I'm reading:

1) Jim Collins' Good To Great. This book was recommended to me by so many people in the past and finally I'm getting to it. Well, it's definitely worth the wait! This Collins dude led a team of over twenty heads who researched businesses for five years. Their goal was to find traits that took companies from 'good to great'. Very surprising results for them, but not for me. The celebrity, cult-like business leader w. the savior complex who comes from the outside and rescues the company? NOT! Big myth, in terms of companies that have sustained productivity. Instead, these good to great companies are led by shy, self-effacing, almost nerdy yet focused and diligent folks who have a combo of personal humility and professional will. Tho' they are 'more workhorse than showhorse' (love that dang quote!), they fiercely, courageously make tough decisions and sacrifice their fame for the company's success and longevity. This is just a taste of the findings!

2) Stephen Ambrose's Eisenhower: Soldier and President. Good, readable, tho' long as heck look at our 34th Prez -- brief details of his upbringing and then tons of stuff on his leadership. Good read for non-history buffs like myself -- interesting enough to hold your attention and give you insight on this man and the situations he governed in this country and in the world.

What Do You See? by the Ambassador (Cross Movement's Human Emergency album)

Hear the CLINK! of the nails as they pierce His hands / And the…lash as they slash this man /
Crash this man, hit and harass this man / Bash, stick and inflict mad gashes and /
Mentally put yourself at the place and time / Use faith as a way to trace the crime /
Let your mind take you back laps and laps / Back track till your mind sees back to back /
All the things that happ'd / To the silent Lamb /
All in chains, trapped like a violent man / Like He forwarded a violent plan /
But it was prophecy / That said God would be /
Treated like unwanted property / You’ve got to see /
The ill way that they flogged Him / Blood leaked, it was deep how they mobbed Him /
Think thorns worn as a crown / Here the Jews say, “Crucify Him pass it down” /
Hear the squeals as the steel comes crashin’ down / Can’t get past the sound /
Teeth are gnashing now / Veins snap, feel that, hot flashin’ now /
Draped in blood, covered in a cap and gown /
So many cracks from the straps / It numbs the back /
Crucifixion makes your lungs collapse /
Watch His chest---see Him gasp for breath / Hear Him…and…till there’s no gasp left /

Chorus: What do you see when you close your eyes /What will you see when your life goes by /
Think hard / Visualize the ill mob / Either you’ll feel God/ Or your heart's real hard /

Concentrate, your mind should stay in study mode / Tell your buddies, “roll” /
As you contemplate the bloody robe /
Which was worn by the One beaten and torn / Killed by the same dust people He formed /
He emptied Himself---paused the wealth / Put independent use of His attributes on the shelf /
Loving men who weren’t loving Him / Loving sin /
Loving gin / Lovin’ a night at the club again /
I’m rubbin' men wrong but souls will die / If my rhyme doesn’t come in and blow your high /
I’m right in the sight of Jehovah’s eye / So the gospel I’ll tell till I’m old and dry /
The world’s cold like a frozen pie / With little sense like missing your ears, tongue, nose, and eyes /
But back to the ugliest things you’ve ever heard of / The murder of the One who took more flack than Roberta /
They came in droves / Cats had His veins exposed /
Played a game where they claimed His robe / Eyes swoll, even rearranged His nose /
Only Providence helped Him sustain the blows /
Are y'all seeing the One who owns it all / The King getting beaten in the Roman halls /
Headed for a Roman cross, and heaven is His home and all /But He wouldn’t give His home a call /
Soon to dislocate His bones and all / And still wouldn’t wish for His opponents' fall /
Ahhh!---tired and thirsty too / Blood lost on a cross in His birthday suit /
As He droops, pooped from attempts to breathe / I grieve/ Tears stop my attempts to read /
The sign hanging over Him limp and weak/ It’s (Memphis) bleak /
How could this have been meant to be? /

Repeat Chorus

No time to blink, just continue to think of Scripture / Let it convict ya /
Focus, get in the picture /
Watch it blow you square off the Ricter / As it teaches you of the real Victor /
Who prevails /You hear the crucifixion details /
Now ask yourself why’s your life still derailed / And why we fail /
To live for the One we nailed / This same Jesus, you know the One we Hail /
With our lips but not with our lives / Time to see with the heart and not with our eyes /
See the Son, the One, who was hung like a poster / Was buried, but popped up like a toaster /
Got all the host of heaven makin’ a toast ta /The King of kings who brings God and men closer /
Sin’s roped ya, guns out the holster / Can’t stay alive even with John Travolta /
Now I hope ta / Pull y'all off the sofa / Cut the TVs pause the CDs, the culture's /
In the midst of a raging storm / The rage is on, obituary page is long /
Life is short, casket sales are high / No surprise that the numbers in the jails are high /
On the streets anything you want they’ll supply / That’s why beer, crack and weed sales are high /
Love songs making you wail and cry / Number of pregnant single females is high /
Youth get high---deal just to get by / Doing street corner business with no suit & tie /
It’s “do or die”, truth or lie, you and I / Refuse to try, and trust the Crucified /

Repeat Chorus

Limitations

"I don't mean no harm/But I'll bet the farm/

Some put the weight of the Mission*/On skill and charm"

I've been meditating lately on Cross Movement's words in the lyrics above (Holy Culture album, "In Not Of"). Like these brothers noticed, there's a tendency in the world today (and I'm guilty of it, too), to put an emphasis on human capital rather than divine capital to meet the challenges of the day and even to do God's own work. Yes, I see it every day, when folks with external critiera but without depth of character are selected over the humble and godly who may lack certain trappings (maybe not as smooth or socially adroit as the next man). I've also been checking out my boy Allistair Begg's series on weakness (TruthForLife.org) and being blessed by his assertion that our limitations (not our sins) may very well be the key to God's use of us. On top of all this (or really, on the bottom of it -- the foundation) has been my own meditation on Hannah, a thorough woman of God, and her prayer in I Samuel 2 (about God using the least likely -- the poor, beggars, barren, etc. -- rather than princes and so forth).

Now, I'm all about doing God's business w. excellence, but I've noticed a trend in the church that has taken its cues from the world, and that is placing a premium on human ability rather than God's when it comes to doing God's work. For instance, all too often, a pastor is selected because he is able to sway a crowd emotionally, not because of his heart for ministering to folks or because of his love of the truth of God's Word. It's like, how good can you hoop, how stirred up can you get the audience, how clever can you speak -- instead of, how faithful can you be visiting the elderly who are in nursing homes and unable to come to church (giving to those you can't get anything from), how dedicated to your calling can you be when you can make way more dough in the business world, how humble can you be when you have an elder board that really holds you accountable and is there for checks and balances, and how accurately can you communicate the heart of God -- not tainting it w. your own agenda, even your own 'cause'. More often than not, a person's looks, even their education or personality, are given more weight than their lifestyle and heart for God and for people when selecting someone to serve in leadership. And then we wonder what went wrong when there's tons of damage control to be done when the leader of our choosing's flaws become evident.

Reminds me of Saul, the people's choice. Tho' God told Israel that He was their King, they wanted the assurance that comes from external symbols (don't we all?). So they got what they wanted, human king Saul, even tho' God told them what the outcome of a human king would be (exploitation of your crops/land, your children, and so on -- and it seems it's been that way ever since, but I digress). Things weren't right until David came along, and He was God's real choice -- though he was young and inexperienced and the least likely among his brothers. (Ironically, David later became 'the people's champ'.)

How's all this affecting me? Well, it's causing me to examine myself and make sure I'm really trusting in the Lord rather than trusting in myself and my abilities or in a person or in earthly systems, etc. to meet my God-given needs (whether financially, spiritually, socially, career-wise, ministry-wise, whatever) and reach my God-given goals. When I say things like: God can't possibly be calling me to that because I can't see how it could work, or I know I'm in God's will but I feel the most inadequate than I've ever felt in my life, I have to pause and remind myself that no, I am not adequate, but if God tells me to do it, then He will make me adequate. Wasn't adequate for motherhood (far from it, w. my anti-maternal self), but God giveth grace. Wasn't adequate for Yale, this child of the ghetto (and I'm the kinda girl where you can take me outta the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto outta me), but God giveth grace. Um, just about everything that I've set out to do (whether finishing my last 2 years at Yale as a single mom or going to Dallas seminary as a single mom or teaching w.o ever taking 1 teaching class or moving into educ. admin. or discipling folks or speaking in front of folks), I've not been up to the task, and that's driven me to the Savior's arms. Now, the outcome hasn't been smooth sailing, but it's been w. a peace that I've followed God's will and a confidence that He's been / being made to shine. As Wangui reminded me, whenever I DON'T feel like I'm up to the task on my own strength, then there's problems b.c. I'm likely being prideful and will ride on my own strength -- not rest in the Lord's. Thanks for aptly spoken, wise words from friends.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of trying to do God's work my way -- to have a great, God-given goal, but to pursue it by resorting to less than godly tactics (like Abe trying to fulfill God's promise of a son by committing adultery w. Hagar). God's business has to be done God's way. God's just as concerned with how we get there as to where we're going. So, I can't begin in the Spirit, with a godly aim, and try to conclude in the flesh, by trusting in what seems like a sure fire method of getting there that doesn't honor God.

I'm beginning to see that my own limitations are really opportunities for God to be magnified. Like Paul did in II Corinthians, I'm starting to see the wisdom in rejoicing in my limitations rather than bemoaning them. My crazy upbringing is nothing to apologize for (heck, I didn't choose the family I was born into nor did I have any control over the choices of the adults who were responsible for rearing me). Instead, my background is something to accept and let God use -- and the more I rest in that, the more God uses that part of my life. My daughter's disability is not a sign of my weak faith, or of God's punishment of me, or anything crazy like that. Though I pray for T's healing every day, I also must to an extent accept the challenges our lives bring and rejoice in the simple pleasures of her big smile, her mischievous ways, and the gifts God has planted even in her non-verbal self (and there are many when you have the eyes to see). My personality type, as quirky as it is, my preferences (and their eclectic nature), are not evidence of my oddness (tho' my siblings would disagree -- to them I've always been a bit strange :0) ), but of God's unique making of me, and the more I see that what I am not, and I am, are completely in the Master's control -- the more content and the more effective a sistuh will be.

*The Great Commission

Mad Praze

Well, today's Resurrection Sunday, a.k.a. Easter, and I've been chillin' for most of the day. Fun time w. teens in Sunday School today and, tho' I missed Pastor J's sermon (I'll get the tape), also had a good time lending an impromptu hand in the nursery. Five little ones in there, along w. T, and I had fun holding each and every one of them. Babies just do something to me, which is weird 'cuz I'm not Ms. Maternal. Anyhoo, heart fulla mad praze 2 God today for His Son's awesome sacrifice. Can't understand it, esp. when it's so hard for me 2 4-give those who harm me intentionally. Mind-blowin', God's grace is. And wonderfully awe-inspiring how at the Cross there was the perfect intersection of God's holiness / justice and His mercy / compassion / grace. Reminds me of this song we useta sing in the ol' Baptist church I grew up in: "I don't know why Jesus loves me, I don't know why He cares for me, I don't know why He sacrificed His life, Oh, but I'm glad, so glad He did."